November 21st........................

I'm sorry that I haven't been able to write anything for a few days. I have honestly tried but would always just sit and stare at the computer trying to will myself to say something interesting or share something about my day.

Things have been happening but it is nothing that I want to share because it is between myself and my girls.

I have spent my entire life trying to make everyone happy even when it meant sacrificing my happiness to do that. More than anything in life I have always wanted a close family.

I have tried my hardest to be the perfect daughter, sister, wife, mother and grandmother but I am not a perfect person and have never proclaimed to be one. No one know my faults and insecurities more than I do.

I did my best with what I had. I could never live up to any ones expectations of me, not my families, not Kelly's, not even my girls, not even mine sometimes no matter how hard I have tried.

Once again in trying to do what I thought was a good thing it has caused heartache and plans being canceled. I could not take having a Thanksgiving celebration and not have both of my daughters present. They are all I have.

I've been fighting tears for the past couple of days. Even the "happy" pills are not helping. I'd probably be a mess without them though.

I've been accused of changing into someone unrecognizable . In truth everyone changes as their life progresses. Change is a part of life . But in reality I am still the same person that has always wanted to be loved and needed and to make everyone happy.

I apologize to you all if I have done anything to hurt you and hope that you will forgive me. I am trying to do my best.

I want ALL my family to know how much I love them and need them in my life.